I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize