I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
