WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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