So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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