So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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