dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize