He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
