Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
