I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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