My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize