chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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