I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
