Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize