Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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