Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize