Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Drunk is not a location!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
