Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
