Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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