3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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