I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
