drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He shit in the fireplace
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize