ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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