I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
are you so shy because you have an std?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
