Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
