Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
