Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
