puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
