When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
