My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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