i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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