Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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