you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
