I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
