I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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