Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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