We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
