So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
