watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize