Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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