She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
