quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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