too bad you live with your parents still
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
