i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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