Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
