why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
this hospital has no fireball
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
