Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
