Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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