I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize