my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
