Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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