I accidentally had phone sex last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
