there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Someone came in the potted fern
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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