You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
