I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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