He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
