So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
