Kiss
Puke
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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