ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
