There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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