Whats the glycemic index on semen?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dick very happy bro
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
