Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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