wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
