Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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