one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
