physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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