so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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