Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
