Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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