the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
