i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
