hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
