Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
